IMG-20140905-WA0018Kashmiri people’s penchant for rumour mongering is well-known and unrivalled. After the devastating flood of 7th September, the rumour mills began to work over-time to churn the most shocking, astonishing and, of course, out rightly silly rumours. Below, I have listed the hottest rumours, which spread like wild fire, and in the process corroborated the envious ‘ingenuity’ of Kashmiri people. Sit back and savour:
1. Dr. Daljeet Singh (Paediatrician) is dead. Rip! Rumour had it that the renowned child specialist, living in Gogji Bagh, died under the debris of his collapsed house.
2. Dr. Kaiser (Paediatrician) is dead too. There was a buzz that the dead bodies of Kaiser and his wife had been retrieved from Jhelum River in Azad Kashmir. Another account had it that both of them made it alive to “Apuar”. (You think I am kid (ding)!? Shut up)
3. Another Doctor that the rumour mongers virtually killed was Dr Sethi (Paediatrician). (Apparently somebody was interested in playing Doctor Doctor)
4. The entire 15-member-family of Kohli Brothers, the wholesale giants, died when their boat capsized near Jawahar Nagar. ( With that big a family size even the ark of Noah would have been inadequate)
5. Pakistan is ready to send James Bond-esque amphibious cars to Kashmir that will rescue people from their homes (O.k. aid accepted but don’t rig them with explosives)
6. Japan, too offered its assistance by proposing to turn Srinagar into a world’s leading mega-city. But Modi fearing his Gujarat development model will be overshadowed rejected the offer (Damn you, Modi).
7. I phoned a high-profile friend, who works for GUPKAR (Hari Niwas/Papa 2), to know if he was fine. I asked him if there were any casualties reported from the area where he is putting up. His reply: Dapaan ha Modern Hospital chu laashaw seat barith.
8. The corpses retrieved from the flood waters have been hung on poles and trees, by rescue teams, at Jawahar Nagar and Nowgam. (Dead people don’t complain!)
9. Talking of the corpses, a rumour was circulated that the authorities clamped curfew in Rajbagh and the adjoining areas after 10 dead bodies were retrieved from the rubble of the collapsed houses. (Come on! As if they were the bodies of Mujahidin)
10. Any milk-man caught mixing water to milk will be sentenced to rigorous life imprisonment. (Spare a thought for those who mix cement and fertilizer (for flavour, of course) to milk)
11. 2017 manz yiy amyae khuat bod sehlaaab. ( Apparently the one who floated this had seen the Hollywood blockbuster 2012 Apocalypse )
12. Earthquakes will follow soon. (Do the rumour mongers stand vindicated after the tremors hit Kashmir the other day?)
13. And to cap it, my favourite…, a Kashmiri barber referring to a middle aged lady while cutting her kid’s hair, “17 october hasa yiye amyae khuate bod tuufaan.” The Lady in disbelief, “kyasa chuk wanaan!?” The barber as if to confirm the inevitability of the “tuufaan” shoots back: Hay thavsa cze nazar. (No wonder the customer base of local barbers is dwindling)
P.S: Any “Rumour-list” is incomplete without the ‘irrefutable’: YE EAS CENTRECH CHAAL. (I say it was the handiwork of Illuminati)